The Daily Doodles

“There Ain’t No Laws in Space”

Did you ever know that there ain’t no laws in space?
You could lure your enemy to the moon, and shoot them in the face.
If the police try to hassle ya, tell ‘em they got no jurisdiction!
They have no right to interfere with your murderous predilection

So blow up a hospital on Venus, or rob a bank on Mars
Run over Jupiter’s orphans while driving stolen cars
If there’s no laws to stop ya, then it must be quite alright!
No need to hide your fiendish crimes each and every night.

And even God will be proud that you found this loophole
His rules only apply to Earth, so don’t worry about your soul
With a sly wink and a nod, God will look the other way
Just stay forever in outer space, and you’ll never have to pay.

SPACE!

(Thank you to the incredibly talented Samantha of Other-side-of-the-universe.com for helping me GIF this!  GO FOLLOW HER)

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“The King of the Silly Gooses”

There once was a boy who was such a silly little goose
He wrapped a rope around his parent’s necks and tightened the noose
And just when they were hung within an inch of their life
He graciously cut them down with his silly butcher’s knife

And then, gasping for air, his parents happily said—
“Oh thank you our silly boy, for not hanging us dead!”

And the boy bowed and responded, “why, think nothing of it!”
Before stabbing them with a homemade shiv right in their gullet.

He then sillily severed their heads; chained a spike through each dome
And then went on a wacky parade all over their silly home.

As he marched and he stomped, he bellowed out loud:
“I am the King of the Silly Gooses, and of that I am proud!”

(Dedicated to my nephew Cooper, who is turning 2 years old today!)

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(Source: thedailydoodles, via thedailydoodles)

“The Boy Who Was Born With Burnt Out Eyes”

The boy who was born with scabby burnt out eyes,
Hears his mom tell him he’s handsome, but it’s nothing but lies.
She shrieked when he was born, and tried to throw him away
But the boy followed her home, and since has been able to stay.

With no limbs and no nose, he often angrily feels shorted
Every Christmas he asks Santa if he can just be aborted.
But each year he wakes up, and wobbles down the stair
And doesn’t unwrap the gift of death, because Santa doesn’t care :’-/

His head is misshapened, with the puckered skin of a fish
Kids throw coins in his mouth, and then make a wish.
To stay cool in the summers, he secretes a radioactive blue ooze
And his existence was slammed by the local news.

No matter how bad it gets, he never stops and asks himself “why?”
And that’s because he’s a sissy, and the idea makes him cry.
The only logical conclusion is that he’s being punished for a past life
Where he cut the heads off of orphans, and punched his common-law wife.

So each night he dreams, as his mom locks him back up in his cage
That some day he can take advantage of all of this pent up rage.
It won’t be with this body, but he’ll make them all come unfurled…
He’ll just have to wait till his next life till he can murder the world.

Originally Posted 9/27/2012

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(Source: thedailydoodles)

“The Boy Who Was Born With Burnt Out Eyes”

The boy who was born with scabby burnt out eyes,
Hears his mom tell him he’s handsome, but it’s nothing but lies.
She shrieked when he was born, and tried to throw him away
But the boy followed her home, and since has been able to stay.

With no limbs and no nose, he often angrily feels shorted
Every Christmas he asks Santa if he can just be aborted.
But each year he wakes up, and wobbles down the stair
And doesn’t unwrap the gift of death, because Santa doesn’t care :’-/

His head is misshapened, with the puckered skin of a fish
Kids throw coins in his mouth, and then make a wish.
To stay cool in the summers, he secretes a radioactive blue ooze
And his existence was slammed by the local news.

No matter how bad it gets, he never stops and asks himself “why?”
And that’s because he’s a sissy, and the idea makes him cry.
The only logical conclusion is that he’s being punished for a past life
Where he cut the heads off of orphans, and punched his common-law wife.

So each night he dreams, as his mom locks him back up in his cage
That some day he can take advantage of all of this pent up rage.
It won’t be with this body, but he’ll make them all come unfurled…
He’ll just have to wait till his next life till he can murder the world.

Posted 9/27/2012

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“Crack Your Head Open, Let Your Demon Out to Play”

Crack your head open,
Let your demon out to play
They’ve been long a hopin’,
That this could be the day.

So just focus on your demon
Leaving your defenses quite agape
They’ll see that you’re not schemin’
And make their demonic escape.

The demon’ll run and they’ll wander
And you will feel quite at ease
While ya have a relaxing ponder
The demons’ll do as they please.

Soon the demon will be so drowsy,
Cuz’ it gone and tuckered itself all out
Won’t be able to make ya feel lousy
Or filled with regret and doubt.

Let the tired demon back in,
To return to sleep in your head.
Just repeat this process a-gain,
Once in a while until you’re dead.

Posted 3/23/2012

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