The Daily Doodles

“There Ain’t No Laws in Space”

Did you ever know that there ain’t no laws in space?
You could lure your enemy to the moon, and shoot them in the face.
If the police try to hassle ya, tell ‘em they got no jurisdiction!
They have no right to interfere with your murderous predilection

So blow up a hospital on Venus, or rob a bank on Mars
Run over Jupiter’s orphans while driving stolen cars
If there’s no laws to stop ya, then it must be quite alright!
No need to hide your fiendish crimes each and every night.

And even God will be proud that you found this loophole
His rules only apply to Earth, so don’t worry about your soul
With a sly wink and a nod, God will look the other way
Just stay forever in outer space, and you’ll never have to pay.

SPACE!

(Thank you to the incredibly talented Samantha of Other-side-of-the-universe.com for helping me GIF this!  GO FOLLOW HER)

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“The Sea of Dead Children”

Margaret Jane died whilst in a slumber so deep
Tragically murdered in her bed as she was fast asleep
She opens her eyes with a fright, hoping it ‘twas just a dream
But the water fills her lungs, drowning out her blood curdling scream

For if a poor child dies before the age of eleven
They don’t go to Hell, and they don’t go to Heaven
The Sea of Dead Children becomes their new home
Upon the ocean’s floor, their souls eternally roam.

The ghostly hands grip tight, pulling Margaret Jane down
Even though she already died, her soul has to drown.
Dead children are always excited to play with someone new
Since the afterlife can be boring, so it’s something to do. :-)

Deeper and deeper she goes, into the dark depths of the sea
To play with every child who ever died, for the rest of eternity

Posted 2/28/2012

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“The Girl Who Solved All Of Her Problems”

There once was a sad girl who had problems every day :’-(
Too many annoying people, each trying to have their say
She was sick of all the bastards, so she prayed for a solution
And God finally replied, “why not try a mass execution?”

“It just might work!” thought the girl, “I can at least give it a try”
So she got her best machete, and made a list of those to die.
She caught ‘em by surprise, killing them sleeping in their beds
And the girl amassed a great collection, of all their severed heads.

The brave go-getter girl slashed her way to a better life
As there’s nuthin’ that can’t be fixed with the serrated blade of a knife
After decapitating all her problems, the girl is happier than she’s ever been
And she lived happily ever after… with no problems ever again. :’-)

(Starring the nice lady from thatonecreepygirl.tumblr.com!)

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“The King of the Silly Gooses”

There once was a boy who was such a silly little goose
He wrapped a rope around his parent’s necks and tightened the noose
And just when they were hung within an inch of their life
He graciously cut them down with his silly butcher’s knife

And then, gasping for air, his parents happily said—
“Oh thank you our silly boy, for not hanging us dead!”

And the boy bowed and responded, “why, think nothing of it!”
Before stabbing them with a homemade shiv right in their gullet.

He then sillily severed their heads; chained a spike through each dome
And then went on a wacky parade all over their silly home.

As he marched and he stomped, he bellowed out loud:
“I am the King of the Silly Gooses, and of that I am proud!”

(Dedicated to my nephew Cooper, who is turning 2 years old today!)

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(Source: thedailydoodles, via thedailydoodles)

“The Boy Born in Blood”

There once was a boy who was born in blood
He burst from the womb amidst a great crimson flood.
Blood was the way and blood was his life,
He loved it so much he took blood as his wife.

Violently born and violently lived,
Isn’t aware to care whether or not he’ll be forgived.
A product of his times, built upon the culture of the past
Blood soaked to the bone, from his first day to his last.

And the boy born in blood will die the same way he came in,
Smothered in the gore and the guts of society’s sin.

Posted 2/2/2013

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“The Old Polaroid”

While cleaning out his junk drawer because he was busily procrastinating from the work he really should be doing, Rodrigo Torres happens upon a yellowed old Polaroid picture stuck between a pad of Post-Its… he hadn’t seen this picture for years, or even THOUGHT of it for at least a decade, but as soon as he sees it the memories come flooding back…

This was that one Christmas where that Monster totally smashed through the wall and ate Uncle Jaime, and the government let the Monster go free because it was working as a double agent and providing the authorities with valuable information about the Monster Militia’s funding and supplies, and the presents that year were awful because Rodrigo’s dad had lost his job and his mom was in jail for murdering that grocery clerk… things felt so awful then.

But then Rodrigo smiles wistfully as he thinks about how awful the world feels today, what with terrorism and war and the economy and the environment and his mom getting out of jail and murdering again and unemployment… and he realizes that it wasn’t really better back in the “good ol’ days”. 

It comforts him, in a way… something bad will always be happening, and this is just how things are.  The epiphany sends a tingling calming sensation through his body, as he tells himself that everything was always awful.

And it always will be.  :’-)

Rodrigo sticks the photo on his fridge underneath a NEVER FORGET 9/11 magnet as a helpful reminder that nothing ever changes.

Originally Posted 9/8/2012

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(Source: thedailydoodles)

“Crossing Paths with a Robot in the Dense Forest”

As Young Piper the Girl went through a nice walk in the woods
To hide after murdering her enemies (as every Piper the Girl shoulds),
She crossed paths with a Robot, one of those Crypotomechalogical myths
Somehow created before time began, by long extinct Droidsmiths.

Piper stares up at the Droid, and the Droid stares right back
And both just stare at each other, wondering who will attack.

Robots have long been scared of kids, the most illogical of mankind
There’s no sense in their ways, with their cruel fickle mind.
Piper doesn’t know this, of course, and she stands frozen where she stands.
Imagining the noise her bones will make, when crushed by steel hands.

But as she gazes into the Robot’s optic lens, and it peers into her own,
They realize they both want the same thing: to be left alone.

So Piper bows, while the Droid curtsies, neither wanting any war,
And they each go their separate ways, their paths crossing nevermore.

Posted 12/10/2012

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“As the Sun Rises”, a Haiku

As the sun rises,
You get yet another chance
To screw up again.

Originally Posted 7/19/2012 

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(Source: thedailydoodles)

“If You Don’t Eat All Your Candy, Ghosts Will Pop Out Your Eye”

IF YOU DON’T EAT ALL YOUR CANDY, ghosts will pop out your eye
And if ya can’t stop the bleeding then you will surely die.
So take your bag full of all your nummy Halloween treats
And don’t go to sleep till ya got none more to eats.

When parents check in on you, just tell them that you’re fine
An eye-out is no biggie, and parents hate it when ya whine
If ya let the candy last a few days, it may be your last regret
And don’t you dare stop even when your tummy is upset

It’s not only your eye at stake, but also your immortal soul
Every piece of candy not ate tonight will ultimately take its toll

But ya know, if ya fail, it’s not really all that bad
After the ghosts pop out your eye, they eat your mom and dad.
You’ll wear an eye patch from now on, but you’ll have a story to tell
And when you’re eighty and ya pass away, you’ll be the coolest kid in hell.

Happy Halloween!

Posted 10/31/2012

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“One Last Regret Before Death”, a Haiku

If there’s one regret,
It’s getting shot in the face…
That was annnnnoyingggggggggg >____<

Posted 10/3/2012

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