The Daily Doodles

“The Boy Who Was Born With Burnt Out Eyes”

The boy who was born with scabby burnt out eyes,
Hears his mom tell him he’s handsome, but it’s nothing but lies.
She shrieked when he was born, and tried to throw him away
But the boy followed her home, and since has been able to stay.

With no limbs and no nose, he often angrily feels shorted
Every Christmas he asks Santa if he can just be aborted.
But each year he wakes up, and wobbles down the stair
And doesn’t unwrap the gift of death, because Santa doesn’t care :’-/

His head is misshapened, with the puckered skin of a fish
Kids throw coins in his mouth, and then make a wish.
To stay cool in the summers, he secretes a radioactive blue ooze
And his existence was slammed by the local news.

No matter how bad it gets, he never stops and asks himself “why?”
And that’s because he’s a sissy, and the idea makes him cry.
The only logical conclusion is that he’s being punished for a past life
Where he cut the heads off of orphans, and punched his common-law wife.

So each night he dreams, as his mom locks him back up in his cage
That some day he can take advantage of all of this pent up rage.
It won’t be with this body, but he’ll make them all come unfurled…
He’ll just have to wait till his next life till he can murder the world.

Originally Posted 9/27/2012

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(Source: thedailydoodles)

“The Boy Who Was Born With Burnt Out Eyes”

The boy who was born with scabby burnt out eyes,
Hears his mom tell him he’s handsome, but it’s nothing but lies.
She shrieked when he was born, and tried to throw him away
But the boy followed her home, and since has been able to stay.

With no limbs and no nose, he often angrily feels shorted
Every Christmas he asks Santa if he can just be aborted.
But each year he wakes up, and wobbles down the stair
And doesn’t unwrap the gift of death, because Santa doesn’t care :’-/

His head is misshapened, with the puckered skin of a fish
Kids throw coins in his mouth, and then make a wish.
To stay cool in the summers, he secretes a radioactive blue ooze
And his existence was slammed by the local news.

No matter how bad it gets, he never stops and asks himself “why?”
And that’s because he’s a sissy, and the idea makes him cry.
The only logical conclusion is that he’s being punished for a past life
Where he cut the heads off of orphans, and punched his common-law wife.

So each night he dreams, as his mom locks him back up in his cage
That some day he can take advantage of all of this pent up rage.
It won’t be with this body, but he’ll make them all come unfurled…
He’ll just have to wait till his next life till he can murder the world.

Posted 9/27/2012

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“The Post-Funpocalypse”
(A Classique Doodle from 10/18/2011)

In the months leading up to the apocalypse, people sure seemed to be making it sound like a big deal… but now that it has happened, Brian Hawkins doesn’t get why there was such a fuss.  What the heck were they worried about?  The apocalypse is awesome.

Still grinning from ear to ear since his dad let him put in the final head-shots to kill the Nuclear Mutants they just came across as they navigate the post-apocalyptic wasteland of Earth, Brian steps back mentally for a moment and reflects on the wonder of it all— out on the open road, less people to deal with, adventure every dang day… he’s even already killed 17 men and mutants and he’s only 9 years old… that’s almost 2 for each year he’s been alive!  That’s so cool!

Plus, since clean drinking water is so scarce, his mom isn’t bugging him about taking a bath.  She didn’t survive the apocalypse, of course, so she isn’t around to bug him even if there WAS enough water, but still.  And last week when scavenging through a pile of rotting corpses, he found a real Indian arrow-head necklace!

The best part, though, is now he finally gets to spend time with his papa… before the apocalypse, dad was always in the office working, traveling; Brian hardly saw him.  But now that the rest of his family is dead, he gets all the father and son bonding time a boy could ever hope for.

It just feels nice.

The post-apocalypse is the most fun he’s ever had, and Brian hopes that civilization never claws its way back from the pits of hell.

Originally Posted 10/18/2011

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“Because You Were Bad”
(A Classique Doodle from 9/29/2011)

After his mom died, Little Edgar cried every night.
He wished she could come back and tell him it’s alright…
And one night she appeared, as he lay dreaming in his bed!
Through teary eyes he asked her, “Mommy, why are you dead?”

She sighed softly, tilted her head, and quietly said—

“Oh, dry your eyes my child, don’t be so sad!
The only reason I died, is because you were bad.”

“You never cleaned your room directly after being told
And you’ve grown less cute as you’ve grown more old.
You fought with your siblings; wouldn’t eat your veg’
You gave me no other option but to jump off that ledge.”

“It’s your fault I’m dead, because you just wouldn’t behave
And I hope this lesson haunts you till you’re rotting in a grave.”

With that! she is gone, disappearing into space
And bitter tears roll down Little Edgar’s grubby face.
While he’s sorry for all the naughty things he did
He knows it’s too late… he’s just a bad kid :-/

Originally Posted 9/29/2011

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