“The Ghost Stuck in a Jar”
Arthur Richter stares in terror as he watches his beloved wife Margaret Benson-Richter die at the breakfast table from a devastating stroke, the life draining from her beautiful face in front of his very eyes.
His mind begins to race— who will take care of him if she’s not there? They’ve been married for 47 wonderful years, he’s too damn old to start dating again…! He never thought he’d have to learn to be his own person, he just doesn’t know what he’d do without her :’-(
So when she slumps forward in her chair, dead, and her ghost starts whizzing around the room as it’s being sucked into Heaven’s Vortex, Arthur acts quick. He grabs an empty mason jar they were saving for that season’s preserves from the front garden, and manages to deftly catch her ghost in the jar just in time, rescuing her from the horrors of Heaven.
He’ll miss her too much if he let her go! It wouldn’t be fair… plus, she knows where everything goes. He’s no good at that sort of thing.
Filling the jar up with ectoplasm so her ghost doesn’t shrivel up, Arthur places her on the bookshelf in his den, right next to his favourite picture of her (and with her life insurance money, he was even able to buy a nice frame for it).
He doesn’t really go in the den that much to be honest, but when he does, he always makes sure to glance at her and make sure the jar is full. And if he happens to go on a trip, he has the neighbor boy check up on her as well.
After 10 years of knowing he’d miss her too much if he let her free, Arthur dies peacefully in his sleep… and with no one to trap his own ghost, he whizzes unencumbered up into Heaven, where he went on to spend an eternity in bliss.
The jar containing the ghost of Margaret ended up at a thrift store, along with the rest of Arthur’s possessions, where it was left in the back for 6 months as the employees waited to be told where it should be sorted.
By that time, unfortunately, her ectoplasm had completely dried out, causing her ghostly shell to shrivel up and squeeze out her soul.
Finally free of the jar, but having missed her entry into Heaven, Margaret’s soul fades away into Purgatory, where she will remain for the rest of time.
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