Harry Mathers stares into his newborn baby’s bright wide eyes, and it suddenly hits him— he’s really a father. This baby is alive because he made him, the baby is HIS responsiblity… a living and breathing actual HUMAN! It’s such a strange feeling.
But at the same time, it honestly feels like he’s been preparing for this day his entire life.
And now that the baby is here, he just can’t wait to fill it’s tiny head up with lies.
Oooh but which lie to make the kid believe first?! They have to be the sort of lie that can’t be easily disproven… like, if he tells the kid that Spain was discovered by Mexican explorers in 1983, the kid can just open an encyclopedia and realize it’s not true and then the whole scam is ruined.
And there has to be healthy doses of truth mixed in with the lies, just to make it all the more confusing and convincing. If he tells NOTHING but lies to the child, that will easily be figured out as well. The happy medium must be found!
Maybe he can start a blog listing and discussing the lies, so him and other dads have a nice online resource to research and compare…
Should he focus first on outlandish guilt-based lies, to see how far he can take it? Maybe tell the kid that when they cry, the tears streaming down their face is actually their soul leaking out and if they cry too much they will die? And that hurricanes and cancer are caused by the kid not going to bed on time?
Or perhaps a more subtle long-term lie, like “I believe in you and you can be anything you want to be in life”. Once the kid realizes that isn’t true, it’ll be truly soul crushing.
Man, which to choose first?! Arrrrrrgh this is harder than he expected!
Wanna star in your very own Daily Doodle? CLICK HERE!
FAQ TWITTER FACEBOOK
CLICK HERE to read Yesterday’s Doodle!