“The Eye of God”
Even though It’s an infinite being, the years can really drag on a deity… and finally, God has had enough.
Having grown tired of half of humanity endlessly questioning whether It exists, and angry at the other half for portraying God as a moody teen in their sacred texts, God decides today is the day— at last, God shall reveal Itself and Their Eternal Laws to the entire world, ending thousands of years of doubt and debate.
The sky splits open in a sea of blinding, radiant light as The Eye of God looks down upon the Earth, and almost immediately the world comes to a standstill… as humanity looks towards the heavens, and sees their Creator.
God notices the look of awe on every single human’s face, and It won’t deny that it was actually pretty gratifying… God doesn’t know why it didn’t do this before! So many years of confusion, and for what? It can settle everything right here and now…
As God thinks for a moment about how exactly to phrase everything (It knows that if It has to backtrack later on because It misspoke, it’ll just cause even more problems), a series of loud *POPS* echo across the atmosphere… followed by a deep gurgling, and the recognizable sound of billions of eyeballs sizzling at once.
God’s holy luminescence had become too much to bear, and all of humanity is overcome by the mere sight of an all-powerful, inhuman, otherworldly, possibly inter-dimensional entity such as God… and within moments, every creature on Earth is reduced a blobulous pile of bile and gruel.
And that’s when God remembered why It doesn’t do this more often.
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