The Daily Doodles

“The Prayer to the Aliens”

O’ my dear, sweet Aliens, I pray to thee to take me away
Beam me up to your ship and we’ll have a space holiday.
While I might be a human girl, I can learn Alien stuff fast
And we can make me being an Earthling, a thing of the past.

To sweeten the deal, you can take my parents to dissect
They got all sorts of tissue, and lotsa’ organs to inspect.
Maybe evaporate my big sister, or my little brother, the pest
And I’ll brag that I got go to with you, cuz you like me best.

We’ll be the greatest of friends, having adventures in space
Criss-crossing the universe with big smiles on our face
Solving galactic mysteries, finding new planets to explore
I’ll never have a reason to be sad anymore.

And even when they all tell me that you’re really not out there…
That you don’t hear my prayers, and if ya did you don’t care…
I’ll always believe in you truly, with all my 8 year old heart
And after you finally rescue me, our lives together can start.

Amen.

Posted 3/7/2013

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“The Girl Who Causes All of the Problems in the World”

I am why my parents divorced,
I am why every social encounter is awkward and forced
Spending time with me is like seasoning your wound with salt,
And that is because absolutely everything is always my fault

People are only nice to me because they feel bad
I make them all miserable, and instantly sad
I wish it was different, but it’s my not-so-secret shame
That I am the one who is always to blame.

No one is quite sure just what to do with me
They all seem so confident, living happy and carefree
It’s no wonder everyone hates me with all the problems I cause,
I bet if I died tomorrow there’d be an avalanche of applause.

I swear I don’t mean to cause problems, but why would they believe?
So I’m going to just sit in this corner, and never ever leave.

Originally Posted 10/1/2012

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(Source: thedailydoodles)

“The Girl Who Causes All of the Problems in the World”

I am why my parents divorced,
I am why every social encounter is awkward and forced
Spending time with me is like seasoning your wound with salt,
And that is because absolutely everything is always my fault

People are only nice to me because they feel bad
I make them all miserable, and instantly sad
I wish it was different, but it’s my not-so-secret shame
That I am the one who is always to blame.

No one is quite sure just what to do with me
They all seem so confident, living happy and carefree
It’s no wonder everyone hates me with all the problems I cause,
I bet if I died tomorrow there’d be an avalanche of applause.

I swear I don’t mean to cause problems, but why would they believe?
So I’m going to just sit in this corner, and never ever leave.

Posted 10/1/2012

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“The Never Lonely Lonely Girl”

Dinah used to always worry that she’d end up alone,
Because she struggled to abandon her comfort zone.
Surrounded by books is where she felt right at home,
Many weekend nights spent pouring over a new tome.

And while she has friends, she’s no one’s one and only
Despite no significant other, she never feels lonely.
Dinah felt she must be strange, must be mad as a hatter
But eventually she realized, “what the hell does it matter?”

So she loves books!  And how can that be wrong?
Her literary tastes are varied, her comprehension strong.
Humans are well and good, but they will come and go.
A new book, however, is always a loyal n’ loving bedfellow.

Alone but not lonely, as books stay through the ages
If Dinah wants company, she just turns the pages.

Originally Posted 10/20/2011

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(Source: thedailydoodles)

“A Ghastly Realization”

Wrapped up tight in a warm blankie with the air conditioner on full blast (like she likes to do), Joss bops around online to see what her stupid annoying friends are up to…

“FML”, one stupid friend writes, “my parents didnt leeve enuff money for gas, I gota use mY OWN $$$ WTF”.  Joss just sighs and wishes the friend would get t-boned by a drunk driver.

“I dont kno who i can trust, I feel so betrayed. It takes so much for me to open up and you showed me why I dont” says another annoyingly overdramatic friend, and Joss knows it’s just because that friend’s equally annoying boyfriend lied and went to a party, so naturally the friend’s faith in love and honesty shall never recover.

After scrolling past several tired memes, entitled whining, and idiotic opinions, one annoying entry jolts Joss out of her snarky malaise—

At first she mocks it: “that which doesnt kill you only makes you stronger”, said without a trace of irony by a friend who simply procrastinated all semester before finally staying up just one night to finish an essay… come ON, Joss thinks.  How trite!  How pathetic!  That hardly counts as something you survived through—

But then Joss pauses, as she remembers— she also wrote the same cliched phrase 6 short months ago when she got fired from her summer job because she kept oversleeping and her parents grounded her for 2 weeks.

Oh no…

And that is when Joss realizes that she is just as annoying as everyone else.

Originally Posted 3/5/2012

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“Just Another Day Closer to Death”

WAKE UP! WAKE UP!, because it’s a bright sunny day! :-)
Gotta face the world for your sins because it’s time to pay
It’s just another day closer to your eventual death,
Grudgingly trudging ever forward to your final last breath.

So Good Morning Mr. Lamp, my anthropomorphic friend!
I know you’ll give me light until the very end
Good morning Admiral Pillows, you hold my weary head
I hope you’ll have that job until the day I am dead
Ahoy! Lt. Windows, Baron von Blankie, even Capt. Colonel Clock
That my only friends are possessions shouldn’t come as a shock.

Because in geological terms, humans are but a blip
So what does it matter if you let relationships slip?
It’s all meaningless distractions to occupy our time
Until we’re dead in the ground, rotting away into slime.

But ya gotta fill the void with sumthin’!  Might as well just live.
So go wake up and have a life, ‘cuz it’s all ya got to give.

Posted 5/22/2012

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“Navigating the Treacherous and Political Waters of Friendship”

Pat Terrio isn’t allowed to like Steve (even though he seems like an alright dude) since Steve used to date Abby (who is now dating his friend Ryan), and therefore all past suitors of Abby have become persona non grata and he is forced to befriend both Angela (a woman he can’t stand) and Alan (a man who is unbearably dull) due to them working in positions of influence at Pat’s girlfriend’s place of employ and he has become aware that he must distance himself from Danny (a longtime friend) due to Danny making an off-colour joke at a party thrown by Pat’s friend Kaycee (a more recent friend) who he now must placate and feign shared disgust at the joke said by Danny so as to stay in Kaycee’s good graces as Kaycee’s family has a beach cabin that Pat hoped to visit and he must individually invite Mallorie, Hector, and Tony (co-worker friends) to go have drinks later tonight even though Mallorie, Hector, and Tony would never go have drinks but Pat must indulge in the charade of inviting them because they will be hopelessly distraught by the grievous insult of not being invited to something they’d never go to and he must prevent the trio from becoming disgruntled with his friendship and working against him behind the scenes and it all leads Pat to wonder why he even bothers having friends in the first place.

The only solution is to murder them all, since then he will be free to hang out with Steve, and Steve seems like an alright dude.

Posted 4/9/2012

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“The Never Lonely Lonely Girl”
(A Classique Doodle from 10/20/2011)

Dinah used to always worry that she’d end up alone,
Because she struggled to abandon her comfort zone.
Surrounded by books is where she felt right at home,
Many weekend nights spent pouring over a new tome.

And while she has friends, she’s no one’s one and only
Despite no significant other, she never feels lonely.
Dinah felt she must be strange, must be mad as a hatter
But eventually she realized, “what the hell does it matter?”

So she loves books!  And how can that be wrong?
Her literary tastes are varied, her comprehension strong.
Humans are well and good, but they will come and go.
A new book, however, is always a loyal n’ loving bedfellow.

Alone but not lonely, as books stay through the ages
If Dinah wants company, she just turns the pages.

Originally Posted 10/20/2011

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“A Ghastly Realization”

Wrapped up tight in a warm blankie with the air conditioner on full blast (like she likes to do), Joss bops around online to see what her stupid annoying friends are up to…

“FML”, one stupid friend writes, “my parents didnt leeve enuff money for gas, I gota use mY OWN $$$ WTF”.  Joss just sighs and wishes the friend would get t-boned by a drunk driver.

“I dont kno who i can trust, I feel so betrayed. It takes so much for me to open up and you showed me why I dont” says another annoyingly overdramatic friend, and Joss knows it’s just because that friend’s equally annoying boyfriend lied and went to a party, so naturally the friend’s faith in love and honesty shall never recover.

After scrolling past several tired memes, entitled whining, and idiotic opinions, one annoying entry jolts Joss out of her snarky malaise—

At first she mocks it: “that which doesnt kill you only makes you stronger”, said without a trace of irony by a friend who simply procrastinated all semester before finally staying up just one night to finish an essay… come ON, Joss thinks.  How trite!  How pathetic!  That hardly counts as something you survived through—

But then Joss pauses, as she remembers— she also wrote the same cliched phrase 6 short months ago when she got fired from her summer job because she kept oversleeping and her parents grounded her for 2 weeks.

Oh no…

And that is when Joss realizes that she is just as annoying as everyone else.

Posted 3/5/2012

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Henry “Buck” Chambers looks down at the dead body of his old Army buddy Charlie Gooding, and thinks to himself… did Charlie achieve his dreams?  Did he die happy?  He hadn’t talked to him in years, after all, and they hardly discussed such things when they were in contact.

Buck has been to a lot of these funerals over the years— in fact, he knows that this is the very last funeral he feels obligated to attend (until his own, of course), because Charlie’s death means that every known family member, friend, and even slight acquaintance of Buck’s is now dead. 

There’s no one else left.  Everyone he ever knew, is gone.

As he stares into the pale, overly-make-up’d dead face of the last person alive he ever knew, the full impact of what this all means begins to dawn on ol’ Buck, and all he can think of is one thing…

“I win.”

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