The Daily Doodles

Having been blacklisted from working any reputable interstellar-shipping jobs due to his lengthy and costly divorce from the daughter of the guy who was the acting Interim Commissioner of the Incorporated Federation Interstellar-Shipping Alliance (it’s a long story), Hector Blankenship needed money.

The only thing he had left to his name was his spaceship, and his marginal piloting ability.  So, he set forth to see if he can weasel up some of those illegal ‘smuggling’ jobs he always heard the cooler pilots talk about.

While discussing his dilemma with his Blur dealer (Blur is an opiate-like hallucinogen administered through an eyedrop, and Hector had become addicted to it— another long story), his dealer tells him that he knows a guy who knows a guy, who works with another guy who makes fake ID-chips for Aliens who want to move to Earth. 

So, long story short, Hector finds himself agreeing to smuggle five Aliens from the planet of QiiQ.  Good, right?  Wellllll… 

Being a virulent species-ist, Hector wasn’t too thrilled about helping any Aliens immigrate to Earth, and ESPECIALLY not QiiQians— but money was money.  At 500 a head, how could he turn it down?  He can deal with their stupid horns and their dumb blue skin for one quick smuggling trip.

But what he didn’t think of, and may have told a white lie about when pitching himself as the smuggler for the job, was that he had no idea whatsover how to actually get the Aliens from his ship… down to Earth.  There’s no way to just SNEAK down; he’ll be registered simply by approaching the planet and searched if he landed. 

And there’s no secret “backdoor” down to the surface that he knew of, and while he knows that the real smugglers must do it SOMEhow, he didn’t know it.

He was able to cover this secret up for the duration of the journey from QiiQ to Earth, but once they were in orbit he knew that his lie was about to be discovered…

But then, he had a brilliant idea.

He tells the naive and trusting Aliens that the cargo-hold is actually an ‘escape pod’, and that if they all cram themselves in there he can shoot them down to the surface— and because the escape pod is so small it won’t be detected by the Incorporated Federation’s Authorities.

Once the QiiQians were in the cargo-hold, though, Hector hits the ‘jettison’ button… the cargo doors open and the vacuum of space sucks the poor Aliens out and shortly suffocates them dead.  Eventually their bodies are pulled in by Earth’s gravity, and all evidence of them existing is burned up in Earth’s atmosphere.

It was a win-win!  Hector still got paid, and he prevented more of those damn Aliens from immigrating to his home planet.

Hector was so proud of thinking up this scheme, that he actually makes seven more smuggling runs from QiiQ to Earth, all with the same result. 

After a few months, though, the families of the QiiQians he murdered became suspicious when they never heard from their relatives ever again, and they discover Hector’s ruse (it wasn’t hard for them to do so, since he kinda bragged about it a lot, as it was the first clever thing he had ever thought up).

Hector is captured, brought to QiiQ to stand trial for his crimes, and (long story short), eaten live on Interstellar Television by the children of the QiiQ men and women he murdered. 

Luckily for Hector, he was in the midst of a three week Blur binge during all of that, and thought he was hallucinating his own death.  Another win-win! 

Posted 10/2/2011

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